Have you ever felt like one part of you wants something badly, but another part holds you back? Maybe you’ve tried to make a change in your life, but something inside stops you. These mixed feelings can be confusing. That’s where an internal family systems therapy counsellor can support you.
They don’t just talk about your thoughts and feelings. They help you understand the different “parts” inside you—each with its own story. If you’ve ever said, “A part of me wants this, but another part is scared,” you’re already halfway there.
Let’s break this down simply so you can see how this therapy works, and how it might help you feel more clear, calm, and confident.
Understanding Your Inner World
You have more than one voice inside your mind. This doesn’t mean something is wrong. It just means you’re human.
In internal family systems (IFS), your mind is seen as a collection of “parts.” Each part has its own feelings, thoughts, and ways of reacting. Some protect you from pain. Some carry deep hurt. Others try to keep you safe by being careful or quiet.
You also have a “Self.” This is the calm, kind, curious part of you that can listen to all the other parts without judging them.
When your parts work together, you feel more balanced. But when they fight or get stuck, you might feel anxious, angry, or lost.
The Role of a Trained Counsellor
A skilled therapist who works with these ideas can guide you to explore your inner parts in a gentle and safe way. They won’t label your feelings or try to fix you. Instead, they’ll help you listen to what your parts are trying to say.
For example, let’s say you want to start something new—maybe a job or a relationship. One part of you feels excited. Another part is afraid you’ll fail. A third part might say, “You always mess things up.” With support, you can find out where these voices come from and what they really need.
Sometimes, the part that criticizes you is actually trying to protect a part that’s scared of getting hurt again. When you understand this, the fight inside you starts to quiet down.
Why People Choose This Approach
This way of looking at your inner life is different. It’s not about blaming anyone—not even yourself. It’s about being kind to every part of you, even the ones that seem “bad.”
Many people find this approach helpful because:
- They feel heard without being judged.
- They learn why they act the way they do.
- They begin to feel more in control, not less.
- They stop pushing their feelings away and start listening instead.
When you’re not fighting with yourself all the time, there’s more space for calm and joy.
What a Session Might Look Like
Your first session won’t be full of big questions or pressure to explain everything. The counsellor may start by helping you feel comfortable. You might talk about what’s going on in your life and what you hope will change.
Then, you may be guided to notice what parts of you are active in the moment. For example, if you feel nervous talking, maybe a part of you is scared of saying the wrong thing. You’ll be gently encouraged to speak to that part—not to get rid of it, but to understand it.
Over time, you’ll meet different parts and learn how they help or block you. This doesn’t mean digging up your past in painful ways. It means being curious, respectful, and honest with yourself.
What You’ll Learn About Yourself
As you continue, you might notice new things:
- You can feel angry without losing control.
- You can comfort parts of you that feel sad or scared.
- You don’t need to push yourself so hard to feel “good enough.”
Many people say they start making better choices, not because someone told them what to do, but because they feel clearer inside.
You’ll also learn how to calm parts that panic or shut down when you feel stressed. This helps with anxiety, sadness, and even relationship problems.
How This Helps with Everyday Problems
This type of counselling isn’t only for big trauma or deep emotional wounds. It’s useful for everyday struggles too.
It helps with:
- Feeling stuck in patterns you can’t break
- Avoiding things out of fear or guilt
- Being too hard on yourself
- Trouble saying no or setting boundaries
- Relationships where you keep repeating the same problems
You don’t need to be in crisis to benefit. Even if you’re just curious about why you feel so mixed-up sometimes, that’s a good enough reason to start.
A Gentle Way to Heal Old Pain
One of the best parts of this method is how gentle it is. You’re not forced to go back into painful memories. You move at your own pace.
The counsellor is there to support you, not push you. You learn how to take care of the parts inside you that feel stuck in the past. Bit by bit, those parts begin to trust you.
As that trust grows, you’ll feel stronger inside. Not because you changed who you are, but because you made peace with yourself.
When You’re Ready to Begin
If this way of working sounds helpful, you might be ready to speak with an internal family systems therapy counsellor. You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to be open to learning about yourself in a new way.
This isn’t about fixing you. It’s about helping you understand yourself, so you can make choices that match who you really are.
There are many counsellors trained in this kind of therapy, including caring professionals at Tulua Therapy. They can help you begin this journey in a safe and respectful space.