Most people carry inner conflicts. You may want something but feel pulled in another direction. You might feel anxious, angry, or shut down without knowing why. These are not random moods—they often come from different parts of you reacting to situations in their own way. If this sounds familiar, working with an internal family systems therapy counsellor might help.
IFS (Internal Family Systems) is a structured approach to therapy that helps you understand and connect with these inner parts. This method doesn’t label you or your emotions as wrong. Instead, it views each part of you as having a purpose, even the ones that seem to cause problems. This guide will help you understand whether IFS counselling is the right path for your personal growth or healing.
What Is Internal Family Systems Therapy?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a type of talk therapy based on a simple but powerful idea: your mind is made up of many parts, and each one has its own thoughts, feelings, and roles. An IFS counsellor helps you identify and understand these parts in a safe and non-judgmental way.
For example, you might have a part that works hard to please others, another part that criticizes you, and another that holds deep sadness. These parts often conflict with each other, leaving you feeling stuck or confused. IFS counselling helps bring calm and clarity by showing you how to listen to these parts and help them work together.
Signs You May Benefit from an IFS Counsellor
It’s not always clear when to seek therapy, especially if you’re managing life fairly well on the surface. But there are some signs that suggest working with an IFS counsellor could make a big difference.
1. You Feel Like You’re Always in Conflict with Yourself
Do you ever think, “Part of me wants to do this, but another part is scared”? If you often feel pulled in opposite directions, it means your internal system is out of balance. A counsellor helps you explore both sides so you can find a path that feels right.
2. You Struggle with Harsh Self-Talk or Shame
Some parts develop to protect you from harm or disappointment. These parts may use strong inner criticism, thinking it’s keeping you safe. But over time, they may cause shame, guilt, or low self-worth. IFS therapy helps you shift that relationship and reduce the weight of internal judgment.
3. You’ve Been Through Trauma, and It Still Affects You
Many people carry emotional wounds from the past. Whether it’s childhood experiences, a difficult relationship, or a traumatic event, these memories can create protective parts that stay on high alert. IFS counsellors help you work gently with these parts, so you can feel safer in the present.
4. You Feel Numb, Disconnected, or Emotionally Shut Down
Some people deal with stress or pain by disconnecting from their feelings. While this can work short term, it often leaves you feeling distant from others and yourself. IFS therapy guides you toward understanding which parts are protecting you this way and helps you reconnect with your emotions safely.
5. Traditional Talk Therapy Hasn’t Helped Enough
If you’ve tried therapy before but felt like it didn’t go deep enough—or it didn’t truly change how you feel—IFS might be what you need. Many people say that working with a therapy counsellor feels more personal, more accepting, and more effective over time.
How an IFS Therapy Counsellor Works with You
The role of an IFS counsellor is not to judge, give advice, or push you to be someone else. Instead, they help you become more aware of your internal parts and help those parts trust you again. You’ll learn how to:
- Recognize your parts – Identify different parts that influence your thoughts, actions, and emotions.
- Understand their roles – Learn why each part exists and what it’s trying to do for you.
- Build inner trust – Create a stronger connection with your inner “Self,” which brings balance and healing to the system.
This process is gentle, respectful, and paced to suit your comfort. You don’t need to force anything. An IFS counsellor helps you feel safe enough to let these parts speak up.
Why This Approach Is So Effective
Unlike some therapies that focus only on thinking or behavior, IFS understands that people are complex. You’re not just your actions or your thoughts—you’re a system of many inner parts trying to work together. This model works because it accepts all of you, even the parts you dislike.
A therapy counsellor sees beyond the symptoms. Instead of saying, “Let’s fix this problem,” they help you ask, “What is this part trying to tell me?” That shift creates long-term change. You stop fighting with yourself and start listening.
Who Can Benefit the Most from IFS Counselling?
IFS can help people of all backgrounds and ages. Some of the most common reasons people seek an internal family systems therapy counsellor include:
- Struggles with anxiety, depression, or self-esteem
- Ongoing effects of trauma or PTSD
- Relationship difficulties
- Patterns of people-pleasing or perfectionism
- Difficulty making decisions or trusting themselves
- Emotional numbness or disconnection
Even if you don’t have a specific diagnosis, IFS can still help you understand yourself better, feel more balanced, and improve your relationships.
What You Can Expect in a Session
Every counsellor has their own style, but most IFS sessions start with a simple check-in. Your therapist might ask what’s on your mind or how you’ve been feeling. Then, they’ll help you notice which part of you is most active now.
From there, the work is about slowing down and tuning in. You might sit with a part that feels angry, scared, or overwhelmed. The counsellor will guide you through questions that help you understand this part and what it needs. You’re always in control, and you don’t need to share anything you’re not ready to.
Over time, you’ll build a sense of calm and clarity. Many clients describe the process as deeply moving—even life-changing—because it gives them a new relationship with their inner world.
Is It Time to Explore IFS Counselling?
If you’ve read this far and see yourself in these examples, it may be time to consider this kind of support. An internal family systems therapy counsellor doesn’t offer a quick fix—but they do offer something more lasting: a chance to feel whole again.
You deserve to understand yourself better, to feel less torn inside, and to move forward with less fear and more confidence. Working with someone who understands the IFS model can help you find that peace and balance.
If you’re looking for a compassionate, trained professional to guide you through this process, Tulua Therapy offers Internal Family Systems Therapy with a caring, trauma-informed approach in Burnaby. Reaching out might be the first step in building a more peaceful relationship with every part of yourself.